Family provides high levels of love and support.
This document is designed to help adults throughout Santa Clara County develop
materials and activities to promote the asset of adult role models.
Newsletter Content
The following text may be used in organizational newsletters. Please include the
attribution at the end of the article.
The Importance of Family Support
Family support refers to the ways that parents, siblings, and extended family show
love, encouragement, and comfort to each other—families are the cornerstone of the
social support system for youth. A 2011 survey of Santa Clara County youth reveals
that while younger youth generally experience and are aware of family support,
teenagers do so much less often: 88% of 4th-6th graders reported family
support, while only 69% of middle- and high school students reported the
asset.
Because adolescents require greater autonomy and independence than younger
children, effective family support for older youth takes a different form than in earlier
years; however, their need for their families is still strong. Adults are challenged to
find a balance between giving youth the support they need to navigate their
adolescence and the independence they need to develop as individuals.
In their book Parenting Teens with Love and Logic, Foster Cline, M.D. and Jim Fay
discuss the transition from parenting younger children—who typically require guidance
and firm limits—to parenting adolescents, who benefit most from the freedom to
make their own decisions within the boundaries of safe, reasonable limits.
According
to Cline and Fay, effective parenting in the teenage years requires clearly
communicating expectations and consequences while allowing youth to make their
own decisions and “own” the results…even if their choices are not the ones that we
would have preferred.
The following discussion topics can be used to open a dialogue with young people
about the ways that they experience family support:
• Does your family provide support in a way that’s meaningful and easy for you
to recognize? Why or why not?
• Do you and your parents treat each other with the same kindness and dignity
that you’d expect from your friends?
• Does your family do things together on a regular basis? Are there any
activities that you’d like to share (or be willing to share) with your family?
One of the most important things to realize about providing family support to older
children is that they need the love and support every bit as much as younger children
do, even if they claim that they don’t.
Although it can be challenging to remain
connected to preteens and teenagers, the benefits of doing so are immense.
This article was provided courtesy of Project Cornerstone’s Asset-a-Month program.
For more information, visit www.projectcornerstone.org
Activities
The activities below offer a starting point to help build and strengthen the asset of
family support
For families
• Make family rules together, and agree on rewards for following the rules and
consequences for breaking them.
• Try to eat at least one meal together every day, and set aside at least one
evening or weekend day for the family to spend together in a pastime that
everyone enjoys or finds valuable. Make the effort to maintain these traditions
and rituals even if your children complain about them when they’re older.
• Be sure to recognize your children’s unique talents and encourage their
interests, even when they don’t match yours. For example, if they’re interested
in animation, check to see if there’s a convention or film festival in your region
that you can attend together.
• Look your children in the eyes when you talk to them, and give them all of your
attention in conversation.
• Be empathetic about their struggles and concerns—no matter how silly or trivial
their problems seem to you, they are significant to your children.
• Praise your children for doing a good job and point out when they’re being
helpful.
• At least once a day, try to express that you appreciate and care about your
children.
• Be affectionate, but respect their space; older children especially may be
uncomfortable about displays of affection in front of non-family members.
For Adults
• Talk with young people about their families and point out the ways that the
children are supported and loved. Similarly, when you speak with parents, take
time to notice and praise their efforts at providing family support for their
children.
• If you’re an employer, help your staff provide emotional support for their
families through release time, sick leave, and creating a positive environment
where employees don’t feel that having children is a liability at their job.
• Sponsor activities and events in which the entire family can participate—for
example, a picnic or carnival instead of a happy hour.
In schools and youth programs
• Deliver a unit on families to help young people appreciate and respect all kinds
of families.
• Schedule events that bring families together, like open houses or family game
nights.
• If possible, schedule speakers and workshops on family life and associated
issues.
• Be sure that your staff recognition and acknowledgement of non-traditional
families in which a child’s primary caretakers may not be their biological
parents.
Resources
• Project Cornerstone’s Take It Personally is a six-week workshop for adults that
focuses on ways that parents and all adults can be more effective and
intentional in building assets in young people’s lives. For information on
scheduling Take It Personally at your site, contact Project Cornerstone at (408)
351-6482.
• “Family camps” are a great way for families to spend time together in a relaxing
outdoor environment. Check with your city, YMCA, or faith community to see
when family camps are offered.
• Some good books about providing meaningful support to older children include
Parenting Preteens with a Purpose: Navigating the Middle Years by Kate
Thomsen, M.S., C.A.S.; Why Do They Act That Way? by David Walsh, Ph.D.;
How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and
Elaine Mazlish; and Parenting at the Speed of Teens, published by Search
Institute.
About the Asset-a-Month Program
The goals of the Silicon Valley Asset-a-Month program are to help align adults
throughout our diverse community in their efforts to promote positive youth
development by fostering developmental assets. For more information about the
Asset-a-Month program, contact Project Cornerstone at (408) 351-6482 or
info@projectcornerstone.org.
Reverend Felecia Mulvany, D.D.
President, Sacred Foundations, Inc.
revmulvany@sacredfoundations.net
www.sacredfoundations.net
877-877-4275
