Sacred Foundations, Inc. Spiritual Center and School of Divinity: November 2016

Monday, November 28, 2016

Family Support - December Asset of the Month

FAMILY SUPPORT

Family provides high levels of love and support.

This document is designed to help adults throughout Santa Clara County develop materials and activities to promote the asset of

adult role models.

Newsletter Content

The following text may be used in organizational newsletters. Please include the attribution at the end of the article.

The Importance of Family Support

Family support refers to the ways that parents, siblings, and extended family show love, encouragement, and comfort to

each other families are the cornerstone of the social support system for youth. A 2011 survey of Santa Clara County youth reveals that while younger youth generally experience and are aware of family support, teenagers do so much less

often: 88% of 4th-6th graders reported family support, while only 69% of middle- and high school students reported the asset.

Because adolescents require greater autonomy and independence than younger children, effective family support for older youth takes a different form than in earlier years; however, their need for their families is still strong. Adults are challenged to find a balance between giving youth the support they need to navigate their adolescence and the independence they need to develop as

individuals.

In their book Parenting Teens with Love and Logic, Foster Cline, M.D. and Jim Fay discuss the transition

from parenting younger children—who typically require

guidance and firm limits—to parenting adolescents, who benefit most from the freedom to make their own decisions within the boundaries of safe, reasonable limits. According to Cline and Fay, effective parenting in the teenage years requires clearly communicating expectations and consequences while allowing youth to make their own decisions and “own” the results…even if their choices are not the ones that we would have preferred.

The following discussion topics can be used to open a dialogue with young people about the ways that they experience family support:

• Does your family provide support in a way that’s meaningful and easy for you to recognize? Why or why not?

• Do you and your parents treat each other with the same kindness and dignity that you’d expect from your friends?

• Does your family do things together on a regular basis? Are there any activities that you’d like to share (or be willing to share)

with your family?

One of the most important things to realize about providing family support to older children is that they need the love and support every bit as much as younger children do, even if they claim that they don’t. Although it can be challenging to remain connected to preteens and teenagers, the benefits of doing so are immense.

This article was provided courtesy of Project Cornerstone’s

Asset-a-Month program.

For more information, visit www.projectcornerstone.org.

Activities

The activities below offer a starting point to help build and strengthen

the asset of family support.

For families

• Make family rules together, and agree on rewards for following the rules and consequences for breaking them.

• Try to eat at least one meal together every day, and set aside at least one evening or weekend day for the family to spend together in a pastime that everyone enjoys or finds valuable. Make the effort to maintain these traditions and rituals even if your children complain about them when they’re older.

• Be sure to recognize your children’s unique talents and encourage their interests, even when they don’t match yours. For example, if they’re interested in animation, check to see if there’s a convention or film festival in your region that you can attend together.

• Look your children in the eyes when you talk to them, and give them all of your attention in conversation.

• Be empathetic about their struggles and concerns—no matter how silly or trivial their problems seem to you, they are significant

to your children.

• Praise your children for doing a good job and point out when

they’re being helpful.

• At least once a day, try to express that you appreciate and care

about your children.

• Be affectionate, but respect their space; older children especially may be uncomfortable about displays of affection in front of non-family members.

For all adults

• Talk with young people about their families and point out the ways that the children are supported and loved. Similarly, when you speak with parents, take time to notice and praise their efforts at providing family support for their children.

• If you’re an employer, help your staff provide emotional support for their families through release time, sick leave, and creating a positive environment where employees don’t feel that having

children is a liability at their job.

• Sponsor activities and events in which the entire family can participate—for example, a picnic or carnival instead of a happy hour.

In schools and youth programs

• Deliver a unit on families to help young people appreciate and

respect all kinds of families.

• Schedule events that bring families together, like open houses

or family game nights.

• If possible, schedule speakers and workshops on family life

and associated issues.

• Be sure that your staff recognition and acknowledgement of non-traditional families in which a child’s primary caretakers may not

be their biological parents.

Resources

• Project Cornerstone’s Take It Personally is a six-week workshop for adults that focuses on ways that parents and all adults can be more effective and intentional in building assets in young people’s lives. For information on scheduling Take It Personally at your site, contact Project Cornerstone at

(408) 351-6482.

• “Family camps” are a great way for families to spend time together

in a relaxing outdoor environment. Check with your city, YMCA,

or faith community to see when family camps are offered.

• Some good books about providing meaningful support to older children include Parenting Preteens with a Purpose: Navigating the Middle Years by Kate Thomsen, M.S., C.A.S.; Why Do They Act That Way? by David Walsh, Ph.D.; How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish; and Parenting at the Speed of Teens, published by Search Institute.

About the Asset-a-Month Program

The goals of the Silicon Valley Asset-a-Month program are to help align adults throughout our diverse community in their efforts to promote positive youth development by fostering developmental assets.

For more information about the Asset-a-Month program, contact

Project Cornerstone at (408) 351-6482 or info@projectcornerstone.org

Reverend Felecia Mulvany, D.D.

President, Sacred Foundations, Inc.

revmulvany@sacredfoundations.net

www.sacredfoundations.net

877-877-4275

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Positve Cultural Identity-November Asset of the Month

POSITIVE CULTURAL IDENTITY

Young people feel comfortable with and proud of their identity, including but not limited to disabilities, ethnicity, faith/religion, family status, gender, language, and sexual orientation.

This document is designed to help adults throughout Silicon Valley develop materials and activities to promote the asset of adult role models.

Newsletter Content

The following text may be used in organizational newsletters. Please include the attribution at the end of the article.

Photograph by Reverend Steve Waites

The Importance of Positive Cultural Identity

It is important for youth to feel that they belong. Positive identity

brings self-assurance, a sense of belonging, a positive view of personal future, and better success in school.

Developing a positive cultural identity—a critical element of

personal identity—can be difficult for young people, especially when they may be bridging more than one culture.

The way that youth are treated in regard to their ethnicity, religion, disability, sexual orientation, or gender directly affects their ability to develop a positive personal identity.

As adults, it’s critical that we model recognition, understanding, and celebrating all cultural identities, including the cultures to which we and/or our children do not belong.

Sharing and celebrating different cultural identities increases self-esteem and promotes cultural competence among all young people. The diversity of Silicon Valley is a benefit to our youth as they are exposed to many different cultures.

The following discussion topics* can help families talk about their

cultural identity:

• What is our cultural background?

• What are some things that you value about our culture?

• What are some things about our culture that you would like

other people to know?

• Do you know anyone who’s from a different culture? In what ways are your cultures similar and different? Do your cultural differences make it difficult to be friends? How can you share your cultural differences in a positive,

nonjudgmental way?

*Adapted from the Canadian Child Care Federation’s

“Supporting Our Children’s Social Well-Being…

It’s a Team Effort!” workshop

This article was provided courtesy of Project Cornerstone’s Asset-a-Month program. For more information, visit www.projectcornerstone.org.

Activities

The activities below provide ways to build

positive cultural identity in youth.

For families

• Make sure that your children learn the story of where they come

from—including both family history and the history of their heritage

from an early age.

• Even very young children are aware of racial and cultural differences

among people.

Address the issues of stereotypes, myths, and cultural differences in a

positive, age appropriate manner.

• It’s normal for young people to explore different aspects of personal

identity, including cultural identity. Children, whose parents promote a

positive cultural identity, while allowing them the freedom to explore,

tend to develop a healthy personal identity.

• Some elements of a child’s identity—such as sexual orientation—might not be shared in common with the rest of the family.

Parents should make special efforts to ensure that everyone feels understood,

respected, valued, safe, and loved within the family.

For all adults

• Serve as a mentor for youth from your culture. They will benefit from learning how to successfully maintain a positive cultural identity from someone outside their family.

• Help your children maintain a positive attitude about school, and make sure they know that you will be their advocate to resolve any problems or challenges that they encounter.

• Adults should be careful to strike a balance between celebrating the youth’s difference and including the youth as part of the group as a whole. Sometimes, focusing too much on a youth’s differences—no matter

how good the intention—can further isolate youth from their peers.

In schools and youth programs

• Support home languages as much as possible. Children who are bilingual in their home language and English tend to maintain a positive connection with their families and cultural communities.

• All students need to be valued and appreciated for their unique characteristics regularly. Be aware of the cultural diversity in your classroom or program, and try to understand its dimensions.

• Make a personal effort to learn about the culture of the youth in your classroom or program. For example, students from cultures where children are not expected to ask questions of adults may have difficulty letting you know when they don’t understand the lesson. Help students understand the culture of your class or program without devaluing their cultures of origin.

• Young people can discover and share their cultural identity through lessons and projects that highlight their cultures and experiences while engaging them in active learning. For example, develop lessons and activities around the gifts that different cultures have given the world, and discuss how “cultural borrowing” allows everyone to thrive.

• Sometimes even the most innocent activities can be exclusionary. For example, celebration of “Crazy Hair Day” may exclude youth whose religion requires that they cover their heads. Be sure that your planned programs and activities take everyone’s culture into account.

Resources

• Project Cornerstone’s Los Dichos program provides a literature-based parent engagement curriculum and comprehensive asset-building training in schools throughout Silicon Valley. This program provides opportunities for parents from different cultures to build positive cultural identity in their own children and others from the same culture while building greater cultural competence for the entire class.

For more information, contact Project Cornerstone at (408) 351-6482.

• Families with multiracial children can face unique challenges in helping their child develop a positive cultural identity. Many resources are available online for families to support multiracial children:

· American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry

http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/multiracial_children

· Parenting by Strengths web site

http://www.parentingbystrengths.com/multiracial_children_and_youth/.

• Families who have adopted children from other cultures may

face unique challenges in promoting positive cultural identity.

Several resources exist to support multicultural families, including:

· http://transracial.adoption.com/interracial/racial-cultural-identity.html, which offers parenting tips to help develop stable, happy children with a strong sense of cultural identity.